This is not one of those typical Thailand Tales about a guy's amazing adventure in paradise. No! On the contrary, it's more about a ridiculous report if not a priceless account of how a farang troll wrote on a Thailand forum wanting to know how he could get rid of his Thai wife.
Is it not amazing how some people go to such lengths to vent their frustrations, no matter the outcome or what is to be expected of them.
Here's the tale.... The troll begins by explaining how his Thai wife is annoying him simply because she refused to play pool with him one night after spending a rather large some of her own hard earned cash on her family. Is this not what Thai wives do with their money anyway?
In the end, she agrees and goes along with his pool playing plan. The story goes on to say that out of two games, they both drew one all. The way I see it that couldn't have gone down all that well because...
After this, he wants to quit altogether. That is game over and now he wants to move on for good. At 45 years old, he rambles on about how fit, at 24 years young his wife is. At the same time says she's boring. So much so he says she sends him to sleep. Apparently, the two of them are on holiday in Bangkok but live permanently in the UK.
Incidentally, if the troll is going to play pool with his wife, he should at the very least have played three games to decide a winner. Perhaps that was the real reason for it not amounting it to a win/win closure. If this guy played one more game, he may have won his wife over again.
He is now asking anyone keen to read his sentiments on the forum if he should cancel her UK visa and bugger off without her. Or should he be man enough to tell her that he's had enough? Enough of what! That's all he's saying. Oh! He does finish off by telling us that this is not a troll post, though he's just consumed a fair quantity of alcohol. My! Oh! My!
Anyway, here are some of the replies.... First one up says the troll should eat more cabbage, figs, beans and hard boiled eggs, then expel the putrescent spoils until the wife simply cannot take it anymore. Another says there's no need to worry as at this rate he'll soon look like the real avatar and that the wife will soon be gone forever.
Another reader says that for a short time only the Thai Mafia is having a promotion and for a limited period, the troll could get a contract killing for the paltry sum of 5,000 Baht for one hit or 9,000 Baht for two hits. The reader also wants to know if the troll wouldn't mind throwing his wife in on the deal and that he'd be willing to share the costs. And a third request has just come in for an additional hit at 3,000 Baht.
And another reader says why not be unpredictable and or obnoxious. This can easily be achieved by jostling the wife around a bit like perhaps shoving her up against the wall. Or smashing a plate or two loudly on the floor. After she gets back into the skin she's just jumped out of, maybe she'll think twice about wanting the troll around anymore.
One reader says he thought only bar girls play pool and marry boys twice their age. Another asks how's the wife's house cleaning skills as his house is a mess and his bed is empty. Another says that he highly recommends watching TV series Dateline, 48 Hours or Cold Case Files as there are clues on how to get rid of unwanted spouses.
Another says an excellent idea to get rid of the wife is to pay someone to seduce her and then arrange to catch her in the act. But if the gorgeous girl in the photo above is anything to go by would you want to be rid of her. No matter the circumstances, I'd think not.
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